Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
