The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
