I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Randomize
