I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
