i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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