Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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