youre lurking in front of me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I party with great urgency now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
