My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
