Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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