C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
