If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
