so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
