Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
