Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
