I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
