there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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