I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
