we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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