meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
