There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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