3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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