ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
