as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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