Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
