Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
