You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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