i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
