Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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