she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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