please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
