I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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