dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
