I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
