I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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