Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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