Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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