You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Randomize
