How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
