I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
