It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
