you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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