He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
