I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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