I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
