In the future we'll all be gay
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
