after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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