I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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