Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
my poor anus
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
