Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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