i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
