Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
