i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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