I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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