My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
