i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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