mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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