Jerry, you need to find god
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
