Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
