I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
