i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
