I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
