Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
