so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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