I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she looked like the before picture.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
