And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
