Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
